Dark Lord of the Sixth
Posted by John Frazier on
I grow weary of the constant chatter of these "May The Fourth" celebrations. That day no longer has any meaning for me, Vader -- Dark Lord of the Sith. I am the Dark Side incarnate, wielder of the true nature of The Force, and it's long past time I bring order to the Galaxy.
The Empire has procured a number of items from Coruscant to the Outer Rim, all of which are among my favorites. You too will enjoy what I have to offer. If you will not be swayed by my offerings, then you will meet your destiny.
Darth Vader Bathrobe
My armor protects me and sustains me, but it's not exactly something I wear around Sunday mornings in my fortress on Mustafar. For comfort's sake, I'm often found in my bathrobe. Softer than a baby Ewok, this robe grants me the intimidating presence I require without the embarrassing chafing that comes with durasteel.
Darth Vader Motion Lamp
All Sith enjoy a certain aesthetic - reds and blacks are typical. No one is certain why, but a thread on our Sith Discord suggested we're all Autumn colors. I'm not sure what that means, I grew up on a desert planet. Be that as it may, I do illuminate my workspace with the gentle glow of this motion lamp. Molten globules suspended as if floating by my will, all topped with a tiny replica of my helmet. It is magnificent.
Han Solo in Carbonite Area Rug
Most people are unaware that I am a collector. One of my favorite pieces was sold to a criminal on Tattooine, but I made sure to take high-resolution holographs, and had this handsome rug made. Captain Solo here embedded in carbonite looks to be in great pain, and reminds me of my own suffering in this prison I have created for myself. The Emperor, in unguarded moments, calls that "very meta" whatever that means.
Han Solo in Carbonite Shower Curtain
Like a diad in the force, you simply can't have one without the other. This shower curtain, decorated the same as the area rug, would make a handsome addition to your bathroom. I don't shower as much as I greatly prefer baths. This Dark Lord likes to be pampered.
Despite this hard and inviolable exterior, I am really a bit of a softie. I, like many in the Galaxy, am preoccupied with this tiny green creature named Grogu. He reminds me of a former master of mine. His antics were legendary, and a small part of me misses him. In another life, I may have worn one of these soft green onesies, but I fear it is too late for me.
In fact, these slippers would make an amazing set with that Onesie. You simply can't have one without the other. As adorable as these slippers are, and as badly as I may want a pair for myself, I have no need for them as my feet are... well, let's just say these boots I wear are all I need.
You Don't Know the Power of the Dark Side
The Emperor requests an audience. I will maneuver my ship outside of the asteroid field to send a clear transmission. Tomorrow, I will bring you before him, and he will complete your training. Return, and together we will show you even more wonders.
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